Found: diary of Dannohu. Post 47

I like vegetables. Really I do, sometimes I wish that people would be just like vegetables, just there, without wars and fights and such. But then again, how does a vegetable speak? Do they shake their stems to the sound of music? Do they sway their leafy sides to the beat of she bangs? Nobody knows it but... Tony Rich I suppose.

Diary, animals are interesting creatures, yes they are. Found out that animals are evil. Especially the pihhos.. the pihhos are such evil creatures that they defecate and all on each other, to fight over territories. I mean, if you want to fight, at least soil yourself only after getting a grand daddy of a beating and no soiling of others. Unless you're a vegetable, then it becomes a good thing.

I wonder if there are alien vegetables out there in the universe and if they are, have they been sending out signals? I'm sure that people may argue that vegetables or vegetation in general face the sun to generate food by photosynthesis and all that, but, is there a possibility that they are actually facing the sun because light is a good medium for cross boundary transmission? Phew, that was a long sentence. Everybody knows the speed of light is well, real fast. They might be communicating with other galactic plant species out there to discuss plans for an invasion, and we won't know any better...

It is indeed a sobering thought...

7/02/1966

Op-Ed Piece 20050213

Hooah! Pong! Kang!

Words that are used to great effect in a certain game called Mahjong. Mahjong, that which is usually associated with gambling, in which the usage of chips acts as a medium to have a mode of transaction in between the four players. But, to play mahjong is not to gamble, just that for all or most games, the element of money adds as an extra incentive, a kick, a desire to win.

Competition is also evident in trivial pursuits such as a game that is Pictionary. One game that pits the drawing and 'analytical' skills of your members against others, to achieve Nirvana at the end of the journey. One move by a team to gain an upper hand will always be met with swift response by the opposing teams. Competition, the survival of the fittest, the move to triumph over others, can be said to be a uniformly encoded trait among people.

Games can be said to be the release valve of tension. To protect oneself from unnecessarily having an uncontrolled reaction towards stress, to test one's agency, or to pit oneself against others. Teamwork is also evident in games, as alliances are made, especially if one is up against computer opponents or relative strangers. The bond to take on and accomplish the task and ending up having the upper hand, is strengthened even if it can be said to be initially temporary.

To understand the intricacies of what games are for, to socialise, or to have a legitimate apparatus to beat down others, one must ultimately ask oneself. The answer might be shocking, but then again, most of the phenomena occuring around us, by us, is just that. Shocking. I suppose I will just take on the challenge to master the various games some other time, as one aspect of gaming is the need for rest. Rest, something which I truly need after hours of games and fun. Today.

Op-Ed Piece 20050212

The brain is a remarkable object which can create alternate realities which could have real consequences in the real objective reality which one's body resides in. Often people mistake conceptions by artistes and artists to be the real thing, and to objectify it as their own.

Impressionable is the word they say, and it cannot be faulted arguably, to imagine that kids are the bearers of this description. Imagining themselves to be ninjas, pilots of Gundams, mahjong warriors. However, the funny thing is, children, or people who think of themselves as such are more in tune with reality than others who admonish them.

They can say 'we know it's not real', which precisely is the point. It is enjoyable to just have a form of escape to deal with the drudges of reality, with bits of 'play' time interspersed. They do not wish to be ninjas all the time. The 'adult' adults however arguably view things in a more black and white conception than the rest. "That's so childish." "How come you can't be more mature?" Imposing their powers of 'righthood' over the rest. But it has to be agreed that seriousness is essential when warranted.

For myself, I can say that I do dream a lot, and 'play' and I definitely have a supposedly adult(serious) side. The side that comes out when I want it to. Not seeing it doesn't mean it's not there... or is it. Levi Strauss said that it's all in the mind and looks like he might just be right.

Man sues airlines.

Friday 11/02/2005

Yesterday, at 11pm, a man sued the airlines which uses the airspace above his landed property for endangering his life as well as inflicting severe irreparable damage to his psyche. It was reported that the man was hit on the head by a paper bag full of unidentified material at 5pm. According to the man, "It smelt, felt and unfortunately tasted like vomit, but I can't be sure." He suffered dizzy spells, and often had the urge to throw up, and with a heavy head, decided that someone had to pay.

Most of the spokespersons for the airlines we interviewed, divulged that they do not, as a policy, discharge used paperbags from the air. However, upon repeated questioning, they conceded that sometimes, to save the hassle of having to clear the cabins when the airplane lands, they do flush paperbags down the drain.

"Usually human discharge will disintegrate at a certain altitude, therefore it has never been a problem," a spokesperson revealed to us. He included that "Cheeky cabin personnel will go and relieve themselves as the planes are approaching the runaway, so that they can leave a visible trail." It seems that this practice is widely used by airlines of certain countries which have bad bilateral ties.

The man informed us that even if he does not get a verdict that goes his way, he is satisfied as this means that the airlines will no longer dump things over this property. "I purposely didn't bathe to protect the evidence, which I'm sure they will say that I planted it to discredit me," adding "I'm sure they don't want to meet me again in similar circumstances." A spokesperson for one of the airlines named in the suit, said that the cabin crew will be informed of the location of the man's house, and to mark it in the future.

New age Mulan

Thursday, 10/02/2005

Me-subishi, a 17 year old girl was caught trying to enlist for National Service for her brother. National Service is a bond with the government in which able bodied men sacrifice at least 2 years of the life, safe guarding the sanctity that is the island country.

Her brother, Me-amwik, it seems, faked an illness, which he calls ' iidunkare abutme koontriitis' to his family, and related his worry to his sister about not being able to protect the family honour. Me-subishi then decided to go in his place after being told that there has been a precedent in the past. Upon reaching the enlistment camp, she then went to register herself using the most manly voice she could muster.

"I thought she was a you know, one of those, they change their gender people," said Sergeant Man, apparently trying his best to sound politically correct. "I knew something was wrong when I saw her. I mean, most girls who try to become a man don't realise that their look is obviously not fooling anyone."

"I then called for one of our female officers to take a look and my suspicion was proved correct. It takes one to know one." sniggered Sergeant Man. Me-subishi was warned that it is an offence to impersonate a person, and advised that using historical context is acceptable but not that which goes back hundreds of years.

"Thank you. A flower that blooms after overcoming great adversity is one of the most precious flower, and oh yeah, be true to your heart" replied Me-subishi apparently paraphrasing quotes from the show 'Mulan' which has been attributed to her wish to take her brother's place.

Me-amwik will take up his obligation to the country this coming Monday, and will be punished by the military for tricking his sister into embarking on such a mission. While the family honour is said to have been undermined by the whole incident.

Found: diary of Dannohu. Post 40

As I walk along I wonder, of what went wrong. It all seemed so good. I mean, she was the one.

You know, the one where you know, she is the one.

Time slows down, matrix effect, movement and the like. You definitely know that she is the one.
The smile, the laughter present in the eyes. not quite sparkling but they seem to lighten up the area surrounding her. You wish you can have a Kodak moment there and then. Immortalize the moment, in full splendour. Replay mode over and over and over again.

How come I never have the chance to write things like this in my diary? Oh yeah, cos I am not good in resonating my thoughts on paper. stupid brain. But then again, will I ever write in you, oh diary, of such things? No, I'm just ranting. It'll pass over, it's just a funny thing called lust anyway. I mean, do guys go, oh wow, she definitely looks like a great friend. How do girls work anyway, do they go, wow, look at him, he looks like such a good friend material.

but, good thing people don't work that way. much. anyways. thankfully I don't. maybe. Maybe I should think about it more. Nah I wont. too tired on my brain... not today I suppose.

btw diary, today, I had a crocochop. it was fantastic. I didn't know crocodiles tasted so good. underneath the hard exterior lies, succulent meat, after cooking of course. must try again soon.

11/01/1966

Found: diary of Dannohu. Post 17

Dear Notebrook,

I wish you were still with me...
Compie wasn't as good to me as you were...
Tho now you cannot see, and your system is weak,
Eventho I try my best to up my hopes...

I believe, one day, you will see again.
no longer will you be in darkness...
wailing. and I can see you, as you me.
we'll evoke memories we had together, all of them.
one day...

you shall see again...

15/10/1965

Found: diary of Dannohu. Post 1

Dear Compie,
I miss you so much...

There isn't a day that pass by without me wondering, if only you were still here...
The fun we had together, interacting till the wee hours of the morn...
But now you're gone.
Died.
of a damaged brain.
memories we had together are erased...
all the shows, all the stories which I suppose I gave you...
now gone.

Goodbye...
thanks for the memories...
I shall be independent from now...

09/08/1965

Old remedy

Today, an age old ritual saved a man from total discomfort, stomach pains, vomitting and such, things which are usually associated with an imbalance of the body. He was healed with the help of an old man with faith. in fruit salt. The old man said that he had been saving people's bodies, from being possessed by such symptoms with the remedy. He revealed that in his line of work, he had seen people vomitting a lot, as though they were taken over by some mysterious force.

Thus he wishes to tell everyone who has faith in him, to try the remedy. He can be found loitering outside places of ill repute, that is places where people display these symptoms of being ill, such as Zouk. He says that he battles with such difficulties using only fruit salt and some water. For those who wishes to see him, you can try to ask around. He is known as the Enocist, and performs Enocism with great ease and he will definitely help you, in times of great agony...

Found!

Yesterday, there was the suprise find of Shoutapore's only Ehlympic medal. Over 10 years. Indeed, it was a glorious day when the famed local archaeologist, Angmokio Jones and his assistant Rambo Tan stumbled upon the find. "Wah Piang eh!," shouted Jones. "Wacky hor!," exclaimed Tan. These were believed to be the first few words uttered by the duo.

They had found the lost medal, the only medal that a local Shoutaporean won at the Ehlympics. "I couldn't believe it, I thought it was a wrapper, so I tried to pick it up, to throw away but couldn't, so I used the hoe that I had to pick at the side of the rubbish as you know we got to keep the place clean and green, and then it dawned on me that it was actually the medal dating back to the year 1994 of the Ehlympics. Wacky hor!" Tan revealed.

"Wah Piang eh! Long story huh, it was I who told him to dig around and he didn't mention it? Getting all the glory for the story eh morning glory?" questioned Jones. It seemed that the ancient medal had a curse. Anyone who has contact with the medal would be viewed by others to try and grab all the attention he/she possibly can even when it is not the case. It looks like the authorities were right in getting foreign talent to try and win medals for Shoutapore, so that the locals then can question their motives in playing to win, for Shoutapore.

So was the medal lost, or was it thrown away? "Hummmm, Wah Piang eh, Wacky hor"...

Stubbed thumb

Today, scientists in Aiemtokinkok, somewhere in the world, have proven that sick people generally do not make better company. In fact, they are most likely the ones who would be highly irritable and relate many 'interesting' ideas. This was proven using the Aikenobettatianyou system of analysis which was developed a few days ago. With this system, anyone would be able to analyse the effect or cause of a particular phenomenon. One no longer need to use qualitative or quantitative metholodogy to understand anything at all.

A recently purchased system of Aikenobettatianyou analysed and gave the supposed cause of my stubbed thumb. It said that it was caused by me pounding my thumb using a hammer. Strange, I thought that it was due to me not being able to catch a fast ball properly. But I suppose the system is slightly damaged, because when I input my alternate reason, it simply flashed its name, "Aikenobettatianyou". Then I realised that I should not question such a brilliant piece of machinery, and maybe I might have really pounded my thumb with a hammer.. somewhere somehow..

In any case, if you would like to purchase a system of Aikenobettatianyou, please be prepared to get your own rocket scientist. It is because of the intricate nature of assessment and functioning process of the machine which requires a rocket scientist to maintain and operate. The oft-mentioned phrase of "You don't need to be a rocket scientist to understand/operate that", does not apply here.

A new product will also be coming up as advertised by the same company which brought you Aikenobettatianyou. It will called "Aitoldyousoebartyoudunbeleaf."

Back?

It's been a while.

So long.

Memories fade.

Hurts.

Well, before anyone of you think that this is an article about my lost loves, think again. Well, can't say they were in the multiples anyways. It is about an abduction. My abduction. By Aliens. It's true, look at the manner in which I'm relating it. Short and succint, definitely not me.

Anyways, being abducted by Aliens is quite an experience really. You get to go to far away places, and find out about the ways your body responds to probes. Rest assured, the world is not flat, and that the satellites are beaming real images of outer space into the many computers in NASA. I found out however that you cannot see the great wall of China! But due to the nature of the tinted windows of the UFO, I suppose no one can.

The reason for the abduction was for the post on Anti-Durianism. I admit, it was wrong of me to put Anti with Durianism cos it's a redundant usage which makes the meaning wrong. But I guess it was more for the fact which I uncovered the real nature of the Giant Durian nesting. I was let off, because I told them about the location in which little durians were eaten. raw. Well, either way the durian Aliens told me to be careful of what i say, or I might get another trip to *Durianland.

*Durianland is the name I gave to the place where the durians left me. Little durians were running around, slides, water themeparks, the works! Although I must say, looking at little durians dropping from their wooden dive points into the water, really gave me a tingly sense of the funnies.

That's all, and I hope that this will be the last of the abductions, though I hope that I might get a free ride again without the 'benefits' soon.

Creating a New World

Had a discussion with daunkesom...
Anyway, the idea is to create your own country.. and its means of survival.

My country, will be a welfarish state, which strives to make itself so economically indispensable to countries nearby, that there will be no act of aggression endangering its survival. It mainly focuses on economic defence. If it is attacked, the country that attacks it will bear severe consequences. The invasion would look miniscule, and of course ultimately, come with an expensive price. It is mainly on economic defence, BUT, there would also be a secret component in defence, called, 'new enhanced warrior technology' or NEWT .

How would i be able to achieve that? Simple, by creating a new world, underground, in the sewers if need be, where i shall garner babies and colour code them. (meaning placing coloured pieces of cloth, not based on skin colour.) These babies will be taken from a hospital, which crumbles down, after the babies have been taken away into the secret underground chamber. This will take place at the time when there would be no visitors in the hallways or rooms. Mini explosives will be placed beneath the roads set to detonate at certain moments to create an earthquake scenario. Thus there'll be furore, but no casualties. There will conveniently be a truck carrying radioactive waste, maybe the diaper removal truck nearby that leaks out radiation, so no search for survivors shall be carried out.

The babies shall be cared for and taught the essentials of martial arts, mostly that of ninjitsu. They will train well, become highly adept at the art of stealth. Researchers would be able to accelerate the thinking process, so that we'll have efficient ninja babies, where they age rapidly, and then remain stagnant at the physical and mental condition of a 25 year old. They'll be taught special forces training, and soon be deployed to neighbouring countries. This is where they populate the sewer lines and will only appear when my land is threatened, to wreak havoc.

My welfare land. Land of economic prowess. A new world.

Toilet issues..

It has been said that one of the most well, embarassing diseases to have is incontinent/incontincense/inconstinent, or simply, the i-can't-spell-properly disease. Yes, that feeling of, or the urge to release built up substances from your body, the liquid and/or solid matter. Sounds normal? The thing is, this urge is soon followed by the action, whether one suffering from it is ready for it or not. I believe it is a very devastating disease where assistance and understanding from family members and the like is important for one to get through with minimal stigma. It is curable and if not, it can be controlled. Some of the causes would include suffering from stroke, diabetes, stress and the like. - This factually correct health message was brought to you by I R Neko. Understanding is the key.

Anyways, incredible sources have recently discovered that a man was responsible for creating Blondie's and later, Atomic Kitten's hit song, titled "The Tide is High". His name was John Holt. Holt what? I'm guessing water or some form of liquid from passing through. Indeed the song contains a chorus that repeatedly repeats the refrain;

"The tide is high But I'm holding on"

which frankly doesn't leave much to the imagination of what he meant. I guess he was waiting for the his turn to use the toilet. Some of the other lines used bears testimony to the usage of the toilet as a 'muse'. Such as

"But I'll wait right here 'Til it's my turn"

Butt oh well, it would still be better than the sounds that they call music. Seems like music has indeed gone down the drain, or toiletbowl nowadays.

Man Eating Durians

One might be mistaken if they were thinking of gigantic man-eating durians, but unfortunately, or fortunately for us, that is not the case. One can only imagine a 50 foot Durian intent on consuming people... Wait, there would be a retraction I suppose, as there is not only A 50 foot Durian, there are TWO 50 foot Durians. Yes, you heard me...

In the concrete jungle of south south east asia.. there lies the fabled twin oval durians.. Some tales speak of them as being created by magic workers for the sole purpose of music. Late at night, music seems to waft (if music wafts) , from the belly of the durians. This music is said to lure people to step into the mouth of the durians and they would then be forever changed.. or lose their money for the night. Indeed, the country where these durians have come to roost (if durians roost), is losing millions of dollars keeping the durians safe and clean..

The twin durians are said to lay prickly eggs or baby durians by the thousands each day. They are affectionately known as durians, but some people would call certain durians with specific traits, as D24 or XO. People would then consume the flesh contained within the hard shell of the durians out of anger, by using a knife and chopping at the weak spots of the durians till it opens. Some people swears by the taste of the durian flesh, saying it is creamy, delicious, mouthwatering, while some says the durians give off a pungent smell. Rumours have it that one would have to eat the durians 3 times to acquire the taste. Indeed such violent behaviour could be called mutual understanding for now, for both humans and durians can exist together, albeit in a weird relationship, in south south east asia..

Close up of the 'Roosting' Giant Oval Durians..


Battoddler trying to feed a captured Monster baby of the Giant Oval Durians


Steps taken to curb the Durian Invasion - Anti-Durianism

Gig a bit in Singapore..

Let's go to the Gig in singapore...
The gig? Aren't all gigs the same?

Ans: a qualified Yes. With a big But.
Not Jennifer Lopez butt, But it has a cool poster, and most likely cool music and bands playing..
Where? At the Yellowline...

Traffic police are expected to attend...
So.. No parking. Keep playing. Keep going.

helping a friend here...

French Fried

Today, the French team was devastated with a display of Greek mentality. The French were sorely lacking in flair, and in invention, something which they can easily empathize with England. The French however blamed their campaign exit on the power imbued with by the Gods of Mount Olympus to the Greeks. They argued that Aphrodite filled their minds with the vision of beauties, and that Zeus had confiscated their ability to perform lightning moves to endanger the Greeks. The retirement of the concorde has also somewhat diminished their speed and the roaring bite of their play.

The Greeks on the other hand thanked the Gods, and Pythagoras for his theory to allow them to play efficient and somewhat effective triangular football. It is similar to that shown by the Spanish side, where their diagonal play resembled that of the bishop's move, but the Spanish were lacking in sharpness, something Zorro might have helped with. Magician extraodinaire Zidane is expected to hang his boots and try his luck juggling in Cirque du Soliel, while some are about to boost the numbers in delifrance.

Things to ponder. Spain, England, France, Germany, Italy were all European superpowers, in more ways than soccer. Portugal and Holland are by far, the remaining 'powers' left in the competition. This might be signalling the shift from Old Europe to new Europe, lead especially by the Czech Republic.

English Conquest Over

Not many would have been impressed with the possibility that the Portugese defence would hold on for the required time and they didn't. The English attack hit howitzers of shots and one managed to pierce through the bunker of the portugese very early in the battle. Unfortunately, with the attacks which they launched, one of their dual striker flagship, the HMS Rooney was lost, due to irreparable damage. The battle then swung back and forth, but the English raid on the Portugese camp became lesser in intensity and fewer in quantity. The Portugese, without losing their spirit, one that might be attributed to watching Czech Republic's and France's late comebacks, launched counter offensive maneuvers which earned them a great respite from the large British force.

The ability for the Portugese to launch the counter strikes was largely due to the retiring of the ageing and tiring Man-o-wars, and replacing them with sharper, newer strike team. Blame must be handed to the British General as there was the replacement of effective bombers with the highly explosive and ineffective bombers Neville and Hagreaves. However when the British were on the verge of capitulation, HMS Lampard delivering a saving grace, one which launched a thousand prayers across England.

In charge Captain Beckham failed to impress especially during the crucial artllery bombardment when both sides have exhausted their options of close combat. This period of intense emotions ended when the artllery strike from Base Camp Portugal destroyed England's forces, dreams and hopes, leaving their pride crushed and their lions banner in tatters.

Portugal is said to be on extra alert as angry sympathizers to the English cause are reported to be going on rampage in several cities. Arrests will be made as the internal situation seems to get worse rapidly. London better be ready, cos the English contingent and the minority hooligans are coming home.

The Banner of Scandinavia Flutters

The ancient invasion force which terrorised old Europe has returned. They are the Danish and Swedish Viking warriors, missing only their counterparts from Norway, who are now into the whale fishing business. The Danish have been using the capital which they garnered from selling butter cookies in tins, to purchase the services of the warrior class. Meanwhile the Swedish company IKEA were reported to have funneled part of their revenue to finance and hone the skills of their marksmen. They were last seen marching together in ecstacy after seeing off their rivals the Italian mob from well, Italy.

The Vikings were heard to have said that they were glad that they have fought to a standstill and that their skills were similar, eventhough there were lots of casualties on both sides. It was said to be part and parcel of being the Vikings. Their motivation for entering the European War was the success of the Pirates of the Carribean in the box office. Phrases like "now it's hip to be a pirate again" and "burn and pillage" were heard reverberating from the contingents' resting area.

The Italian Mob squad were shooting blanks which although harmless to the Vikings, were deadly to the Bulgarians as well as stock investors. The Bulgarians, with only pride left to fight for, courageously attacked from the start, signalled by the war indicator. They were successful in their raids but were not as lucky as their Viking counterparts. The Italians regrouped and launched their famous hits, which came ecpectedly unexpected. With two hits, the Italians have reduced the Bulgarians' advantage, although the Bulgarians had an opportunity to win the battle. Tears of joy turned to despair, which turned to hate, which turned to anger when the Italians learned that the Vikings had fought to a standstill.

The swift longboats of the Vikings have landed, and Europe had better prepare.

Sweden and Denmark accused of collaborating

Italy has accused the two Scandinavian countries, Denmark and Sweden, of collaborating with each other to ensure the defeat of the Italian campaign for the silver and fame at stake, in the Great European War. Italian officers warned the world about the possibility of them colluding and pretending to put up a show of force when their forces meet later tonight. The possibility of drafting international condemnation and sanctions on the two nations was also floated by the Italian official body. Pizza and Olive oil exports were mentioned as being the products to be witheld from the two countries.

Mostly Italian scouts and analysts have confirmed about the possibility of the Italian contingent of not being able to push forward their objectives even if they manage to trounce the Bulgarian expediationary force which are currently awaiting the conflict. The idea of two teams working together for a common objective does not seem to auger well for the Italians, as Denmark and Sweden may continue their campaign under the 'larger Scandinavia' banner, at the expense of the Italians.

Either the Italians have garnered good intelligence or they are overtly paranoid. The Italians have had similar misgivings about a great conspiracy during the 2002 World War. It was when they lost to a spirited comeback from the South Korean Red Tidal Wave. The Italians were then unceremoniously kicked out of South korea and Japan, while cursing the manner at which they lost.

The two countries which have been named rejected the accusation and threat of sanctions labelling them as created by paranoia and desperation. They have also beefed up their homeland defense against possibile attacks by papparazzi, the Mafia as well as atttacks by each other's forces.