Today, an age old ritual saved a man from total discomfort, stomach pains, vomitting and such, things which are usually associated with an imbalance of the body. He was healed with the help of an old man with faith. in fruit salt. The old man said that he had been saving people's bodies, from being possessed by such symptoms with the remedy. He revealed that in his line of work, he had seen people vomitting a lot, as though they were taken over by some mysterious force.
Thus he wishes to tell everyone who has faith in him, to try the remedy. He can be found loitering outside places of ill repute, that is places where people display these symptoms of being ill, such as Zouk. He says that he battles with such difficulties using only fruit salt and some water. For those who wishes to see him, you can try to ask around. He is known as the Enocist, and performs Enocism with great ease and he will definitely help you, in times of great agony...
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
Found!
Yesterday, there was the suprise find of Shoutapore's only Ehlympic medal. Over 10 years. Indeed, it was a glorious day when the famed local archaeologist, Angmokio Jones and his assistant Rambo Tan stumbled upon the find. "Wah Piang eh!," shouted Jones. "Wacky hor!," exclaimed Tan. These were believed to be the first few words uttered by the duo.
They had found the lost medal, the only medal that a local Shoutaporean won at the Ehlympics. "I couldn't believe it, I thought it was a wrapper, so I tried to pick it up, to throw away but couldn't, so I used the hoe that I had to pick at the side of the rubbish as you know we got to keep the place clean and green, and then it dawned on me that it was actually the medal dating back to the year 1994 of the Ehlympics. Wacky hor!" Tan revealed.
"Wah Piang eh! Long story huh, it was I who told him to dig around and he didn't mention it? Getting all the glory for the story eh morning glory?" questioned Jones. It seemed that the ancient medal had a curse. Anyone who has contact with the medal would be viewed by others to try and grab all the attention he/she possibly can even when it is not the case. It looks like the authorities were right in getting foreign talent to try and win medals for Shoutapore, so that the locals then can question their motives in playing to win, for Shoutapore.
So was the medal lost, or was it thrown away? "Hummmm, Wah Piang eh, Wacky hor"...
They had found the lost medal, the only medal that a local Shoutaporean won at the Ehlympics. "I couldn't believe it, I thought it was a wrapper, so I tried to pick it up, to throw away but couldn't, so I used the hoe that I had to pick at the side of the rubbish as you know we got to keep the place clean and green, and then it dawned on me that it was actually the medal dating back to the year 1994 of the Ehlympics. Wacky hor!" Tan revealed.
"Wah Piang eh! Long story huh, it was I who told him to dig around and he didn't mention it? Getting all the glory for the story eh morning glory?" questioned Jones. It seemed that the ancient medal had a curse. Anyone who has contact with the medal would be viewed by others to try and grab all the attention he/she possibly can even when it is not the case. It looks like the authorities were right in getting foreign talent to try and win medals for Shoutapore, so that the locals then can question their motives in playing to win, for Shoutapore.
So was the medal lost, or was it thrown away? "Hummmm, Wah Piang eh, Wacky hor"...
Saturday, October 09, 2004
Stubbed thumb
Today, scientists in Aiemtokinkok, somewhere in the world, have proven that sick people generally do not make better company. In fact, they are most likely the ones who would be highly irritable and relate many 'interesting' ideas. This was proven using the Aikenobettatianyou system of analysis which was developed a few days ago. With this system, anyone would be able to analyse the effect or cause of a particular phenomenon. One no longer need to use qualitative or quantitative metholodogy to understand anything at all.
A recently purchased system of Aikenobettatianyou analysed and gave the supposed cause of my stubbed thumb. It said that it was caused by me pounding my thumb using a hammer. Strange, I thought that it was due to me not being able to catch a fast ball properly. But I suppose the system is slightly damaged, because when I input my alternate reason, it simply flashed its name, "Aikenobettatianyou". Then I realised that I should not question such a brilliant piece of machinery, and maybe I might have really pounded my thumb with a hammer.. somewhere somehow..
In any case, if you would like to purchase a system of Aikenobettatianyou, please be prepared to get your own rocket scientist. It is because of the intricate nature of assessment and functioning process of the machine which requires a rocket scientist to maintain and operate. The oft-mentioned phrase of "You don't need to be a rocket scientist to understand/operate that", does not apply here.
A new product will also be coming up as advertised by the same company which brought you Aikenobettatianyou. It will called "Aitoldyousoebartyoudunbeleaf."
A recently purchased system of Aikenobettatianyou analysed and gave the supposed cause of my stubbed thumb. It said that it was caused by me pounding my thumb using a hammer. Strange, I thought that it was due to me not being able to catch a fast ball properly. But I suppose the system is slightly damaged, because when I input my alternate reason, it simply flashed its name, "Aikenobettatianyou". Then I realised that I should not question such a brilliant piece of machinery, and maybe I might have really pounded my thumb with a hammer.. somewhere somehow..
In any case, if you would like to purchase a system of Aikenobettatianyou, please be prepared to get your own rocket scientist. It is because of the intricate nature of assessment and functioning process of the machine which requires a rocket scientist to maintain and operate. The oft-mentioned phrase of "You don't need to be a rocket scientist to understand/operate that", does not apply here.
A new product will also be coming up as advertised by the same company which brought you Aikenobettatianyou. It will called "Aitoldyousoebartyoudunbeleaf."
Friday, October 08, 2004
Back?
It's been a while.
So long.
Memories fade.
Hurts.
Well, before anyone of you think that this is an article about my lost loves, think again. Well, can't say they were in the multiples anyways. It is about an abduction. My abduction. By Aliens. It's true, look at the manner in which I'm relating it. Short and succint, definitely not me.
Anyways, being abducted by Aliens is quite an experience really. You get to go to far away places, and find out about the ways your body responds to probes. Rest assured, the world is not flat, and that the satellites are beaming real images of outer space into the many computers in NASA. I found out however that you cannot see the great wall of China! But due to the nature of the tinted windows of the UFO, I suppose no one can.
The reason for the abduction was for the post on Anti-Durianism. I admit, it was wrong of me to put Anti with Durianism cos it's a redundant usage which makes the meaning wrong. But I guess it was more for the fact which I uncovered the real nature of the Giant Durian nesting. I was let off, because I told them about the location in which little durians were eaten. raw. Well, either way the durian Aliens told me to be careful of what i say, or I might get another trip to *Durianland.
*Durianland is the name I gave to the place where the durians left me. Little durians were running around, slides, water themeparks, the works! Although I must say, looking at little durians dropping from their wooden dive points into the water, really gave me a tingly sense of the funnies.
That's all, and I hope that this will be the last of the abductions, though I hope that I might get a free ride again without the 'benefits' soon.
So long.
Memories fade.
Hurts.
Well, before anyone of you think that this is an article about my lost loves, think again. Well, can't say they were in the multiples anyways. It is about an abduction. My abduction. By Aliens. It's true, look at the manner in which I'm relating it. Short and succint, definitely not me.
Anyways, being abducted by Aliens is quite an experience really. You get to go to far away places, and find out about the ways your body responds to probes. Rest assured, the world is not flat, and that the satellites are beaming real images of outer space into the many computers in NASA. I found out however that you cannot see the great wall of China! But due to the nature of the tinted windows of the UFO, I suppose no one can.
The reason for the abduction was for the post on Anti-Durianism. I admit, it was wrong of me to put Anti with Durianism cos it's a redundant usage which makes the meaning wrong. But I guess it was more for the fact which I uncovered the real nature of the Giant Durian nesting. I was let off, because I told them about the location in which little durians were eaten. raw. Well, either way the durian Aliens told me to be careful of what i say, or I might get another trip to *Durianland.
*Durianland is the name I gave to the place where the durians left me. Little durians were running around, slides, water themeparks, the works! Although I must say, looking at little durians dropping from their wooden dive points into the water, really gave me a tingly sense of the funnies.
That's all, and I hope that this will be the last of the abductions, though I hope that I might get a free ride again without the 'benefits' soon.
Saturday, August 07, 2004
Creating a New World
Had a discussion with daunkesom...
Anyway, the idea is to create your own country.. and its means of survival.
My country, will be a welfarish state, which strives to make itself so economically indispensable to countries nearby, that there will be no act of aggression endangering its survival. It mainly focuses on economic defence. If it is attacked, the country that attacks it will bear severe consequences. The invasion would look miniscule, and of course ultimately, come with an expensive price. It is mainly on economic defence, BUT, there would also be a secret component in defence, called, 'new enhanced warrior technology' or NEWT .
How would i be able to achieve that? Simple, by creating a new world, underground, in the sewers if need be, where i shall garner babies and colour code them. (meaning placing coloured pieces of cloth, not based on skin colour.) These babies will be taken from a hospital, which crumbles down, after the babies have been taken away into the secret underground chamber. This will take place at the time when there would be no visitors in the hallways or rooms. Mini explosives will be placed beneath the roads set to detonate at certain moments to create an earthquake scenario. Thus there'll be furore, but no casualties. There will conveniently be a truck carrying radioactive waste, maybe the diaper removal truck nearby that leaks out radiation, so no search for survivors shall be carried out.
The babies shall be cared for and taught the essentials of martial arts, mostly that of ninjitsu. They will train well, become highly adept at the art of stealth. Researchers would be able to accelerate the thinking process, so that we'll have efficient ninja babies, where they age rapidly, and then remain stagnant at the physical and mental condition of a 25 year old. They'll be taught special forces training, and soon be deployed to neighbouring countries. This is where they populate the sewer lines and will only appear when my land is threatened, to wreak havoc.
My welfare land. Land of economic prowess. A new world.
Anyway, the idea is to create your own country.. and its means of survival.
My country, will be a welfarish state, which strives to make itself so economically indispensable to countries nearby, that there will be no act of aggression endangering its survival. It mainly focuses on economic defence. If it is attacked, the country that attacks it will bear severe consequences. The invasion would look miniscule, and of course ultimately, come with an expensive price. It is mainly on economic defence, BUT, there would also be a secret component in defence, called, 'new enhanced warrior technology' or NEWT .
How would i be able to achieve that? Simple, by creating a new world, underground, in the sewers if need be, where i shall garner babies and colour code them. (meaning placing coloured pieces of cloth, not based on skin colour.) These babies will be taken from a hospital, which crumbles down, after the babies have been taken away into the secret underground chamber. This will take place at the time when there would be no visitors in the hallways or rooms. Mini explosives will be placed beneath the roads set to detonate at certain moments to create an earthquake scenario. Thus there'll be furore, but no casualties. There will conveniently be a truck carrying radioactive waste, maybe the diaper removal truck nearby that leaks out radiation, so no search for survivors shall be carried out.
The babies shall be cared for and taught the essentials of martial arts, mostly that of ninjitsu. They will train well, become highly adept at the art of stealth. Researchers would be able to accelerate the thinking process, so that we'll have efficient ninja babies, where they age rapidly, and then remain stagnant at the physical and mental condition of a 25 year old. They'll be taught special forces training, and soon be deployed to neighbouring countries. This is where they populate the sewer lines and will only appear when my land is threatened, to wreak havoc.
My welfare land. Land of economic prowess. A new world.
Sunday, August 01, 2004
Toilet issues..
It has been said that one of the most well, embarassing diseases to have is incontinent/incontincense/inconstinent, or simply, the i-can't-spell-properly disease. Yes, that feeling of, or the urge to release built up substances from your body, the liquid and/or solid matter. Sounds normal? The thing is, this urge is soon followed by the action, whether one suffering from it is ready for it or not. I believe it is a very devastating disease where assistance and understanding from family members and the like is important for one to get through with minimal stigma. It is curable and if not, it can be controlled. Some of the causes would include suffering from stroke, diabetes, stress and the like. - This factually correct health message was brought to you by I R Neko. Understanding is the key.
Anyways, incredible sources have recently discovered that a man was responsible for creating Blondie's and later, Atomic Kitten's hit song, titled "The Tide is High". His name was John Holt. Holt what? I'm guessing water or some form of liquid from passing through. Indeed the song contains a chorus that repeatedly repeats the refrain;
"The tide is high But I'm holding on"
which frankly doesn't leave much to the imagination of what he meant. I guess he was waiting for the his turn to use the toilet. Some of the other lines used bears testimony to the usage of the toilet as a 'muse'. Such as
"But I'll wait right here 'Til it's my turn"
Butt oh well, it would still be better than the sounds that they call music. Seems like music has indeed gone down the drain, or toiletbowl nowadays.
Anyways, incredible sources have recently discovered that a man was responsible for creating Blondie's and later, Atomic Kitten's hit song, titled "The Tide is High". His name was John Holt. Holt what? I'm guessing water or some form of liquid from passing through. Indeed the song contains a chorus that repeatedly repeats the refrain;
"The tide is high But I'm holding on"
which frankly doesn't leave much to the imagination of what he meant. I guess he was waiting for the his turn to use the toilet. Some of the other lines used bears testimony to the usage of the toilet as a 'muse'. Such as
"But I'll wait right here 'Til it's my turn"
Butt oh well, it would still be better than the sounds that they call music. Seems like music has indeed gone down the drain, or toiletbowl nowadays.
Friday, July 23, 2004
Man Eating Durians
One might be mistaken if they were thinking of gigantic man-eating durians, but unfortunately, or fortunately for us, that is not the case. One can only imagine a 50 foot Durian intent on consuming people... Wait, there would be a retraction I suppose, as there is not only A 50 foot Durian, there are TWO 50 foot Durians. Yes, you heard me...
In the concrete jungle of south south east asia.. there lies the fabled twin oval durians.. Some tales speak of them as being created by magic workers for the sole purpose of music. Late at night, music seems to waft (if music wafts) , from the belly of the durians. This music is said to lure people to step into the mouth of the durians and they would then be forever changed.. or lose their money for the night. Indeed, the country where these durians have come to roost (if durians roost), is losing millions of dollars keeping the durians safe and clean..
The twin durians are said to lay prickly eggs or baby durians by the thousands each day. They are affectionately known as durians, but some people would call certain durians with specific traits, as D24 or XO. People would then consume the flesh contained within the hard shell of the durians out of anger, by using a knife and chopping at the weak spots of the durians till it opens. Some people swears by the taste of the durian flesh, saying it is creamy, delicious, mouthwatering, while some says the durians give off a pungent smell. Rumours have it that one would have to eat the durians 3 times to acquire the taste. Indeed such violent behaviour could be called mutual understanding for now, for both humans and durians can exist together, albeit in a weird relationship, in south south east asia..
Close up of the 'Roosting' Giant Oval Durians..
Battoddler trying to feed a captured Monster baby of the Giant Oval Durians
Steps taken to curb the Durian Invasion - Anti-Durianism
In the concrete jungle of south south east asia.. there lies the fabled twin oval durians.. Some tales speak of them as being created by magic workers for the sole purpose of music. Late at night, music seems to waft (if music wafts) , from the belly of the durians. This music is said to lure people to step into the mouth of the durians and they would then be forever changed.. or lose their money for the night. Indeed, the country where these durians have come to roost (if durians roost), is losing millions of dollars keeping the durians safe and clean..
The twin durians are said to lay prickly eggs or baby durians by the thousands each day. They are affectionately known as durians, but some people would call certain durians with specific traits, as D24 or XO. People would then consume the flesh contained within the hard shell of the durians out of anger, by using a knife and chopping at the weak spots of the durians till it opens. Some people swears by the taste of the durian flesh, saying it is creamy, delicious, mouthwatering, while some says the durians give off a pungent smell. Rumours have it that one would have to eat the durians 3 times to acquire the taste. Indeed such violent behaviour could be called mutual understanding for now, for both humans and durians can exist together, albeit in a weird relationship, in south south east asia..
Close up of the 'Roosting' Giant Oval Durians..
Battoddler trying to feed a captured Monster baby of the Giant Oval Durians
Steps taken to curb the Durian Invasion - Anti-Durianism
Thursday, July 22, 2004
Gig a bit in Singapore..
Let's go to the Gig in singapore...
The gig? Aren't all gigs the same?
Ans: a qualified Yes. With a big But.
Not Jennifer Lopez butt, But it has a cool poster, and most likely cool music and bands playing..
Where? At the Yellowline...
Traffic police are expected to attend...
So.. No parking. Keep playing. Keep going.
helping a friend here...
The gig? Aren't all gigs the same?
Ans: a qualified Yes. With a big But.
Not Jennifer Lopez butt, But it has a cool poster, and most likely cool music and bands playing..
Where? At the Yellowline...
Traffic police are expected to attend...
So.. No parking. Keep playing. Keep going.
helping a friend here...
Saturday, June 26, 2004
French Fried
Today, the French team was devastated with a display of Greek mentality. The French were sorely lacking in flair, and in invention, something which they can easily empathize with England. The French however blamed their campaign exit on the power imbued with by the Gods of Mount Olympus to the Greeks. They argued that Aphrodite filled their minds with the vision of beauties, and that Zeus had confiscated their ability to perform lightning moves to endanger the Greeks. The retirement of the concorde has also somewhat diminished their speed and the roaring bite of their play.
The Greeks on the other hand thanked the Gods, and Pythagoras for his theory to allow them to play efficient and somewhat effective triangular football. It is similar to that shown by the Spanish side, where their diagonal play resembled that of the bishop's move, but the Spanish were lacking in sharpness, something Zorro might have helped with. Magician extraodinaire Zidane is expected to hang his boots and try his luck juggling in Cirque du Soliel, while some are about to boost the numbers in delifrance.
Things to ponder. Spain, England, France, Germany, Italy were all European superpowers, in more ways than soccer. Portugal and Holland are by far, the remaining 'powers' left in the competition. This might be signalling the shift from Old Europe to new Europe, lead especially by the Czech Republic.
The Greeks on the other hand thanked the Gods, and Pythagoras for his theory to allow them to play efficient and somewhat effective triangular football. It is similar to that shown by the Spanish side, where their diagonal play resembled that of the bishop's move, but the Spanish were lacking in sharpness, something Zorro might have helped with. Magician extraodinaire Zidane is expected to hang his boots and try his luck juggling in Cirque du Soliel, while some are about to boost the numbers in delifrance.
Things to ponder. Spain, England, France, Germany, Italy were all European superpowers, in more ways than soccer. Portugal and Holland are by far, the remaining 'powers' left in the competition. This might be signalling the shift from Old Europe to new Europe, lead especially by the Czech Republic.
Friday, June 25, 2004
English Conquest Over
Not many would have been impressed with the possibility that the Portugese defence would hold on for the required time and they didn't. The English attack hit howitzers of shots and one managed to pierce through the bunker of the portugese very early in the battle. Unfortunately, with the attacks which they launched, one of their dual striker flagship, the HMS Rooney was lost, due to irreparable damage. The battle then swung back and forth, but the English raid on the Portugese camp became lesser in intensity and fewer in quantity. The Portugese, without losing their spirit, one that might be attributed to watching Czech Republic's and France's late comebacks, launched counter offensive maneuvers which earned them a great respite from the large British force.
The ability for the Portugese to launch the counter strikes was largely due to the retiring of the ageing and tiring Man-o-wars, and replacing them with sharper, newer strike team. Blame must be handed to the British General as there was the replacement of effective bombers with the highly explosive and ineffective bombers Neville and Hagreaves. However when the British were on the verge of capitulation, HMS Lampard delivering a saving grace, one which launched a thousand prayers across England.
In charge Captain Beckham failed to impress especially during the crucial artllery bombardment when both sides have exhausted their options of close combat. This period of intense emotions ended when the artllery strike from Base Camp Portugal destroyed England's forces, dreams and hopes, leaving their pride crushed and their lions banner in tatters.
Portugal is said to be on extra alert as angry sympathizers to the English cause are reported to be going on rampage in several cities. Arrests will be made as the internal situation seems to get worse rapidly. London better be ready, cos the English contingent and the minority hooligans are coming home.
The ability for the Portugese to launch the counter strikes was largely due to the retiring of the ageing and tiring Man-o-wars, and replacing them with sharper, newer strike team. Blame must be handed to the British General as there was the replacement of effective bombers with the highly explosive and ineffective bombers Neville and Hagreaves. However when the British were on the verge of capitulation, HMS Lampard delivering a saving grace, one which launched a thousand prayers across England.
In charge Captain Beckham failed to impress especially during the crucial artllery bombardment when both sides have exhausted their options of close combat. This period of intense emotions ended when the artllery strike from Base Camp Portugal destroyed England's forces, dreams and hopes, leaving their pride crushed and their lions banner in tatters.
Portugal is said to be on extra alert as angry sympathizers to the English cause are reported to be going on rampage in several cities. Arrests will be made as the internal situation seems to get worse rapidly. London better be ready, cos the English contingent and the minority hooligans are coming home.
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
The Banner of Scandinavia Flutters
The ancient invasion force which terrorised old Europe has returned. They are the Danish and Swedish Viking warriors, missing only their counterparts from Norway, who are now into the whale fishing business. The Danish have been using the capital which they garnered from selling butter cookies in tins, to purchase the services of the warrior class. Meanwhile the Swedish company IKEA were reported to have funneled part of their revenue to finance and hone the skills of their marksmen. They were last seen marching together in ecstacy after seeing off their rivals the Italian mob from well, Italy.
The Vikings were heard to have said that they were glad that they have fought to a standstill and that their skills were similar, eventhough there were lots of casualties on both sides. It was said to be part and parcel of being the Vikings. Their motivation for entering the European War was the success of the Pirates of the Carribean in the box office. Phrases like "now it's hip to be a pirate again" and "burn and pillage" were heard reverberating from the contingents' resting area.
The Italian Mob squad were shooting blanks which although harmless to the Vikings, were deadly to the Bulgarians as well as stock investors. The Bulgarians, with only pride left to fight for, courageously attacked from the start, signalled by the war indicator. They were successful in their raids but were not as lucky as their Viking counterparts. The Italians regrouped and launched their famous hits, which came ecpectedly unexpected. With two hits, the Italians have reduced the Bulgarians' advantage, although the Bulgarians had an opportunity to win the battle. Tears of joy turned to despair, which turned to hate, which turned to anger when the Italians learned that the Vikings had fought to a standstill.
The swift longboats of the Vikings have landed, and Europe had better prepare.
The Vikings were heard to have said that they were glad that they have fought to a standstill and that their skills were similar, eventhough there were lots of casualties on both sides. It was said to be part and parcel of being the Vikings. Their motivation for entering the European War was the success of the Pirates of the Carribean in the box office. Phrases like "now it's hip to be a pirate again" and "burn and pillage" were heard reverberating from the contingents' resting area.
The Italian Mob squad were shooting blanks which although harmless to the Vikings, were deadly to the Bulgarians as well as stock investors. The Bulgarians, with only pride left to fight for, courageously attacked from the start, signalled by the war indicator. They were successful in their raids but were not as lucky as their Viking counterparts. The Italians regrouped and launched their famous hits, which came ecpectedly unexpected. With two hits, the Italians have reduced the Bulgarians' advantage, although the Bulgarians had an opportunity to win the battle. Tears of joy turned to despair, which turned to hate, which turned to anger when the Italians learned that the Vikings had fought to a standstill.
The swift longboats of the Vikings have landed, and Europe had better prepare.
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
Sweden and Denmark accused of collaborating
Italy has accused the two Scandinavian countries, Denmark and Sweden, of collaborating with each other to ensure the defeat of the Italian campaign for the silver and fame at stake, in the Great European War. Italian officers warned the world about the possibility of them colluding and pretending to put up a show of force when their forces meet later tonight. The possibility of drafting international condemnation and sanctions on the two nations was also floated by the Italian official body. Pizza and Olive oil exports were mentioned as being the products to be witheld from the two countries.
Mostly Italian scouts and analysts have confirmed about the possibility of the Italian contingent of not being able to push forward their objectives even if they manage to trounce the Bulgarian expediationary force which are currently awaiting the conflict. The idea of two teams working together for a common objective does not seem to auger well for the Italians, as Denmark and Sweden may continue their campaign under the 'larger Scandinavia' banner, at the expense of the Italians.
Either the Italians have garnered good intelligence or they are overtly paranoid. The Italians have had similar misgivings about a great conspiracy during the 2002 World War. It was when they lost to a spirited comeback from the South Korean Red Tidal Wave. The Italians were then unceremoniously kicked out of South korea and Japan, while cursing the manner at which they lost.
The two countries which have been named rejected the accusation and threat of sanctions labelling them as created by paranoia and desperation. They have also beefed up their homeland defense against possibile attacks by papparazzi, the Mafia as well as atttacks by each other's forces.
Mostly Italian scouts and analysts have confirmed about the possibility of the Italian contingent of not being able to push forward their objectives even if they manage to trounce the Bulgarian expediationary force which are currently awaiting the conflict. The idea of two teams working together for a common objective does not seem to auger well for the Italians, as Denmark and Sweden may continue their campaign under the 'larger Scandinavia' banner, at the expense of the Italians.
Either the Italians have garnered good intelligence or they are overtly paranoid. The Italians have had similar misgivings about a great conspiracy during the 2002 World War. It was when they lost to a spirited comeback from the South Korean Red Tidal Wave. The Italians were then unceremoniously kicked out of South korea and Japan, while cursing the manner at which they lost.
The two countries which have been named rejected the accusation and threat of sanctions labelling them as created by paranoia and desperation. They have also beefed up their homeland defense against possibile attacks by papparazzi, the Mafia as well as atttacks by each other's forces.
The Great European War 2004
The Annoyednymous Post has been down for days due to the immense havoc that the war involving European nations has brought. Vast sums of money have been lost or won during this period of tension whereby pitched battles had and is still taking place. Punters and investors took this opportunity to play the market, whereby they were advised to invest in the stocks of the nations that seemingly would win each encounter. The value of certain nations dropped after some disastrous performances on the battlegrounds. It is said that this European war was caused by the love for silver and pride. European nations' campaign for sole supremacy, has started!
One pitiful entrant that can be mentioned is Bulgaria, a country that is coping with internal security problems, verified by one source. They lost badly in their encounters with the nations of Denmark and Sweden. Their attackers used the classic outflanking manouver as well as charging them to great effect. The capitulation of Bulgaria would seem to affect their performance in their battle against the Mafia country, Italy, projected by some to be occuring later tomorrow.
In an earlier battle, England proved to be resilient, pushed along by the magnetic personality of their commanding officer, Captain Beckham. They survived waves of attacks by the Croats who looked menacing every time they attacked. The Croats managed to puncture the defence of the green England Defense Force with artillery strikes from fixed positions. England however, had too much firepower and ammunition and overwhelmed the exposed defense of the Croats with fast guerilla strikes. In all of England's glorious march towards fortune, they are reminded still of their recent loss to France, the nation which is holding the silver and defending their precious in Portugal.
England would do well to pray that members of their contingent are not at the mercy of the Portugese Man-o-wars, as research has revealed information that they will try to invade Portugal later on this week in their campaign for victory. THe English band of merry men would not be so happy if they are stung badly by sharp piercing nature of Luisfigo-wonderfulbutaging-playus and Gomez-iscoredwinner-playus.
There are so many skirmishes in this Great European war that The Annoyednymous Post will only review selected battles. As to which will be covered, some would put it as a known unknown or unknown known.
One pitiful entrant that can be mentioned is Bulgaria, a country that is coping with internal security problems, verified by one source. They lost badly in their encounters with the nations of Denmark and Sweden. Their attackers used the classic outflanking manouver as well as charging them to great effect. The capitulation of Bulgaria would seem to affect their performance in their battle against the Mafia country, Italy, projected by some to be occuring later tomorrow.
In an earlier battle, England proved to be resilient, pushed along by the magnetic personality of their commanding officer, Captain Beckham. They survived waves of attacks by the Croats who looked menacing every time they attacked. The Croats managed to puncture the defence of the green England Defense Force with artillery strikes from fixed positions. England however, had too much firepower and ammunition and overwhelmed the exposed defense of the Croats with fast guerilla strikes. In all of England's glorious march towards fortune, they are reminded still of their recent loss to France, the nation which is holding the silver and defending their precious in Portugal.
England would do well to pray that members of their contingent are not at the mercy of the Portugese Man-o-wars, as research has revealed information that they will try to invade Portugal later on this week in their campaign for victory. THe English band of merry men would not be so happy if they are stung badly by sharp piercing nature of Luisfigo-wonderfulbutaging-playus and Gomez-iscoredwinner-playus.
There are so many skirmishes in this Great European war that The Annoyednymous Post will only review selected battles. As to which will be covered, some would put it as a known unknown or unknown known.
Thursday, June 17, 2004
Bravery on the Bus
Today, a young boy showed tremendous bravery onboard a currently affordable public transport, which was the bus. He looked just like any other boy, wearing a t-shirt, shorts and slippers. Upon hailing the bus, the boy started to board it, and pressed his card on the reader. Nothing brave about that.
But there was more drama to unfold. Witnesses said that the beeper gave that annoying 'pay cash' beeping noise. However, to onsitters' and boarding public's suprise, there was an additional, audible 'pay cash, pay cash' sound.
'Pay cash, pay cash', the phrase repeated itself. Looking around, it was actually the bus driver, motioning to the boy to, well, pay cash. The boy tried the oh-i-hope-i-can-trick-the-bus-driver by tapping on the reader, and replied to the refrain of 'pay cash' with a nonchalant 'no cash'. Most were stunned at the bravery that the boy displayed. He went up to the upper deck, and following him, it was seen that he sat right at the end, obviously to avoid early detection by the non-musically inclined conductor.
The bus proceeded on with its schedule, and unfortunately for some, no conductor boarded the bus. Thus, it is proven that when you are young, you can get away with virtually anything. And young kids don't lie, much. No cash means... no cash.
But there was more drama to unfold. Witnesses said that the beeper gave that annoying 'pay cash' beeping noise. However, to onsitters' and boarding public's suprise, there was an additional, audible 'pay cash, pay cash' sound.
'Pay cash, pay cash', the phrase repeated itself. Looking around, it was actually the bus driver, motioning to the boy to, well, pay cash. The boy tried the oh-i-hope-i-can-trick-the-bus-driver by tapping on the reader, and replied to the refrain of 'pay cash' with a nonchalant 'no cash'. Most were stunned at the bravery that the boy displayed. He went up to the upper deck, and following him, it was seen that he sat right at the end, obviously to avoid early detection by the non-musically inclined conductor.
The bus proceeded on with its schedule, and unfortunately for some, no conductor boarded the bus. Thus, it is proven that when you are young, you can get away with virtually anything. And young kids don't lie, much. No cash means... no cash.
Monday, June 14, 2004
I want and pigeon
The dreaded I want syndrome. Many people have had brushes with them, I know I have. But having it in a situation where one have to travel miles, for issues which would have been effectively discussed without the need for personal contact, might seem totally ridiculous.
But of course it's all about relative power. I can ask you to do what I want due to the possession of more clout. Thus the need to accumulate strength through relations and power. There's nothing like a bit of extra oomph to start your day.
Looking at a pigeon on the road. Motionless, while a bus slowly moves towards its stop, the first two wheels managing to miss the pigeon by centimetres. The pigeon reacts by nonchalantly ignoring the risk it is taking. I want to stop the bus, or scream for the pigeon to fly, its life is at stake. But what am I able to do, nothing... The third wheel did not miss, moving over the pigeon, slowly, am not sure but it might be only partially hurt. There is the brief flutter of wings, and it became motionless. Part of me wanted to run and scoop it up over the side of the road, but part of me asked, whyever for, it's now roadkill.. What will i scoop it up with, and will the damage make it impossible for the bird's retrieval? Especially with the pigeon seemingly fused to the tarred road. Another pigeon walks, seemingly to me, towards it, but it just turned and walks on. Very soon after, another giant rolls over it. Painful to watch but am sitting there curious, by how it took a risk and paid ever so dearly. Did it not know that it was a death wish? Perhaps the pigeon did.
Sitting, waiting, for a bus today proves to be quite an eye opener. Painful, unreal, surreal. Past and present intertwine, including my tenses, due to the imagery seemingly locked in permanent replay mode, in my mind.
But of course it's all about relative power. I can ask you to do what I want due to the possession of more clout. Thus the need to accumulate strength through relations and power. There's nothing like a bit of extra oomph to start your day.
Looking at a pigeon on the road. Motionless, while a bus slowly moves towards its stop, the first two wheels managing to miss the pigeon by centimetres. The pigeon reacts by nonchalantly ignoring the risk it is taking. I want to stop the bus, or scream for the pigeon to fly, its life is at stake. But what am I able to do, nothing... The third wheel did not miss, moving over the pigeon, slowly, am not sure but it might be only partially hurt. There is the brief flutter of wings, and it became motionless. Part of me wanted to run and scoop it up over the side of the road, but part of me asked, whyever for, it's now roadkill.. What will i scoop it up with, and will the damage make it impossible for the bird's retrieval? Especially with the pigeon seemingly fused to the tarred road. Another pigeon walks, seemingly to me, towards it, but it just turned and walks on. Very soon after, another giant rolls over it. Painful to watch but am sitting there curious, by how it took a risk and paid ever so dearly. Did it not know that it was a death wish? Perhaps the pigeon did.
Sitting, waiting, for a bus today proves to be quite an eye opener. Painful, unreal, surreal. Past and present intertwine, including my tenses, due to the imagery seemingly locked in permanent replay mode, in my mind.
Sunday, June 13, 2004
Op-Ed Piece 20040613
Anger is often associated with fire, consuming everything in its path, long raging infernos, destroying all until it itself is destroyed, so to speak. From the lynch mob tactics which has been seen in a country currently occupied, it did demonstrate that not only are the two associated by analogy, they work together, leaving no trace of humanity, albeit in a temporal sense. If one thinks that it is a non civil act, perpetrated by barbarians, one would do well to look at the history of lynching, from the beacon of democracy itself, where there are postcards and pictures kept. Smiling crowds, male and female, mulling over hanged humans, some are charred, locking it in obscene poses. Horrific.
Who started the barbeque trend, and why is it still popular. Eating barbequed food is said to be risking oneself to cancer, due to the increased carcinogenic nature when things are charred. But who cares. The use of synthetic 'solid fuel', whereby the composition is vague and suspicious at best, doesn't even seem to faze anyone anymore. The burning of charcoal emits clouds of fumes, adding to the large pollution caused by the industries and machineries, but all is good.
The food cooked in barbeque mode is delicious, mouth-watering, evidently so, when one takes some time and effort to ready the food for consumption. Nothing tastes better than own cooked food. But, when one eats the readied food, one must remember to include, items such as cucumbers, for it is an IMPORTANT addition. Satays have always had cucumbers with them, and now you know why. Well, the veracity of points used in arguments usually do not matter as much as how it is presented.
Just ask the detractors of climate change. Global warming is not happening, they say, because it has happened before. Just wait till all of us are half cooked, smelling delicious, with just some ketchup to go with ourselves.
Who started the barbeque trend, and why is it still popular. Eating barbequed food is said to be risking oneself to cancer, due to the increased carcinogenic nature when things are charred. But who cares. The use of synthetic 'solid fuel', whereby the composition is vague and suspicious at best, doesn't even seem to faze anyone anymore. The burning of charcoal emits clouds of fumes, adding to the large pollution caused by the industries and machineries, but all is good.
The food cooked in barbeque mode is delicious, mouth-watering, evidently so, when one takes some time and effort to ready the food for consumption. Nothing tastes better than own cooked food. But, when one eats the readied food, one must remember to include, items such as cucumbers, for it is an IMPORTANT addition. Satays have always had cucumbers with them, and now you know why. Well, the veracity of points used in arguments usually do not matter as much as how it is presented.
Just ask the detractors of climate change. Global warming is not happening, they say, because it has happened before. Just wait till all of us are half cooked, smelling delicious, with just some ketchup to go with ourselves.
Horny Issues
Well, to say that men are horny, is that an understatement, exaggeration or plain old fact? Many a times it has been considered as fact, the phrase being lobbed around ever since there are the formation of social groups or more affectionally known as friends. Does anyone remember what or who started the usage of the term horny? Almost all respondents would agree that it's definitely not one's parents. Odds would be that, one learns the term from friends. It might not even need to be heard in a direct conversation with someone, as a person within earshot of an active discussion will pick up the meaning of it pretty easily.
Are men horny? Without certain qualifiers, it cannot be taken as true. Men will become horny, due to natural impulses maybe, but it's not like they are horny 24/7 ( some would roll their eyes at this suggestion ). The term has been pushed to be solely attributed to men, however, when one discusses the usage of pornography it will become clear that there is a sustained effort to push the active label to women. In 'Ways of Seeing' it shows the female being the active participant in a nude painting and this could be applicable to pornography.
Huh? active participant? Tell me more you said? Well, the female actor will be addressing the viewer, engaging him in a gaze, acknowledging his existence while being engaged in the activity. It's like she doesn't care about the male actor, she cares about the viewer, making him feel that he should be in on the action. It is the watcher, the viewer that's the stud, who cares about the sometimes surgically enhanced actor who can do it all night long.
So, what? It means that, the porn moguls, makes use of the age old adage that men are horny, to perpetuate the porn industy. Men feel good that women act like they are the ones horny, so they can live with the idea that men are attractive sexually as well. Men are also safe in their could-be-mistaken belief that watching porn is cool, because men are supposed to be horny. And one might have heard of the study which shows that men think of sex every 7 seconds or so? It is done by a female researcher, so is it a biased study that perpetuates the idea?
Well, are men horny? Guess many will vouch for that. But the next question would be, is being horny bad?
Inspired by.. XXX <-- not named for privacy reasons, but you thought of sex didn't you?
Are men horny? Without certain qualifiers, it cannot be taken as true. Men will become horny, due to natural impulses maybe, but it's not like they are horny 24/7 ( some would roll their eyes at this suggestion ). The term has been pushed to be solely attributed to men, however, when one discusses the usage of pornography it will become clear that there is a sustained effort to push the active label to women. In 'Ways of Seeing' it shows the female being the active participant in a nude painting and this could be applicable to pornography.
Huh? active participant? Tell me more you said? Well, the female actor will be addressing the viewer, engaging him in a gaze, acknowledging his existence while being engaged in the activity. It's like she doesn't care about the male actor, she cares about the viewer, making him feel that he should be in on the action. It is the watcher, the viewer that's the stud, who cares about the sometimes surgically enhanced actor who can do it all night long.
So, what? It means that, the porn moguls, makes use of the age old adage that men are horny, to perpetuate the porn industy. Men feel good that women act like they are the ones horny, so they can live with the idea that men are attractive sexually as well. Men are also safe in their could-be-mistaken belief that watching porn is cool, because men are supposed to be horny. And one might have heard of the study which shows that men think of sex every 7 seconds or so? It is done by a female researcher, so is it a biased study that perpetuates the idea?
Well, are men horny? Guess many will vouch for that. But the next question would be, is being horny bad?
Inspired by.. XXX <-- not named for privacy reasons, but you thought of sex didn't you?
Friday, June 11, 2004
Op-Ed Piece 20040611
Thinking of cars and points.
It comes to a point when you think that community work would be well, community work, within.. say a community. I suppose most people would think of a community as being close knit, within a relatively confined area. It is then revealed that helping the community entails a whole nation. Well, not exactly the whole of the nation but the area of the nation. Eventhough one is in a community youth committee, doesn't mean... anyway.
A tentatively called 'National Car Rally Day' ( wow, interesting, there's national, there's rally, and there's day! ) would be held on the last week of August. It would entail the combination of a multicultural setting, with the inclusion of the need for wheels. Suprisingly, being tricked into attending a meeting to take up positions was not on anyone's agenda. But thus entasked, with the Vice-Chair position, I shall be most glad to wear a uniquely designed t-shirt, and well, lounge, but somehow lap-dancing keeps twirling in my mind, due to the seat I'm in.
Interesting position I must say, to be part of a national car rally day. Expecting more rhyme... eh? Hip hip hooray.
- I know, it's lame, but hey, wouldn't YOU do the same?
It comes to a point when you think that community work would be well, community work, within.. say a community. I suppose most people would think of a community as being close knit, within a relatively confined area. It is then revealed that helping the community entails a whole nation. Well, not exactly the whole of the nation but the area of the nation. Eventhough one is in a community youth committee, doesn't mean... anyway.
A tentatively called 'National Car Rally Day' ( wow, interesting, there's national, there's rally, and there's day! ) would be held on the last week of August. It would entail the combination of a multicultural setting, with the inclusion of the need for wheels. Suprisingly, being tricked into attending a meeting to take up positions was not on anyone's agenda. But thus entasked, with the Vice-Chair position, I shall be most glad to wear a uniquely designed t-shirt, and well, lounge, but somehow lap-dancing keeps twirling in my mind, due to the seat I'm in.
Interesting position I must say, to be part of a national car rally day. Expecting more rhyme... eh? Hip hip hooray.
- I know, it's lame, but hey, wouldn't YOU do the same?
Indian Correspondents
Assessing the mood of the voters weeks after the handover of power to the Congress Party. Apologies to purely English-language centred readers, as this piece is catered solely to serious viewers of Indian media.
___
Rahul and Yashvordhan Raichand.
11 June 2004
India
Kabhi Khusi Kabhie Gham, Na Judaa Honge Hum, Kabhi Khusi Kabhie Gham. Meri Saason Mein Tu Hai Samaya, Mera Jeevan To Hai Tera Saaya, Meri Saason, Mein Tu Hai Samaya. Mera Jeevan To Hai Tera Saaya, Teri Pooja Karoon Main To Hardam. Yeh Hai Tere Karam, Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham, Na Judaa Honge Hum, Kabhi Khusi Kabhie Gham.
Meri Saason Mein Tu Hai Samaya, Mera Jeevan To Hai Tera Saaya, Teri Pooja Karoon Main To Hardam. Yeh Hai Tere Karam, Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham, Na Judaa Honge Hum, Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham. Suboh Shyaam Charno Mein Diya Hum Jalayen, Dekhen Yahan Bhi Dekhen Tujhko Hi Paayen. Suboh Shyaam Charno, Mein Diya Hum Jalayen, Dekhen Yahan Bhi Dekhen Tujhko Hi Paayen, In Labon Pe Tera Bas Tera Naam Ho. In Labon Pe Tera Bas Tera Naam Ho. Pyaar Dil Se Kabhi Hi Na Ho Kam.
Yeh Hai Tere Karam, Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham, Na Judaa Honge Hum Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham.
___
Rahul and Yashvordhan Raichand.
11 June 2004
India
Kabhi Khusi Kabhie Gham, Na Judaa Honge Hum, Kabhi Khusi Kabhie Gham. Meri Saason Mein Tu Hai Samaya, Mera Jeevan To Hai Tera Saaya, Meri Saason, Mein Tu Hai Samaya. Mera Jeevan To Hai Tera Saaya, Teri Pooja Karoon Main To Hardam. Yeh Hai Tere Karam, Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham, Na Judaa Honge Hum, Kabhi Khusi Kabhie Gham.
Meri Saason Mein Tu Hai Samaya, Mera Jeevan To Hai Tera Saaya, Teri Pooja Karoon Main To Hardam. Yeh Hai Tere Karam, Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham, Na Judaa Honge Hum, Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham. Suboh Shyaam Charno Mein Diya Hum Jalayen, Dekhen Yahan Bhi Dekhen Tujhko Hi Paayen. Suboh Shyaam Charno, Mein Diya Hum Jalayen, Dekhen Yahan Bhi Dekhen Tujhko Hi Paayen, In Labon Pe Tera Bas Tera Naam Ho. In Labon Pe Tera Bas Tera Naam Ho. Pyaar Dil Se Kabhi Hi Na Ho Kam.
Yeh Hai Tere Karam, Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham, Na Judaa Honge Hum Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham.
Super Mozzie Invasion
Today, it can be revealed that the reason Annoyednymous Post was down yesterday was partly due to the invasion of the super mozzies. The invasion took place at precisely 0700hrs, Standard +8 GMT time. The agony of being bitten, the stress caused by the incessant buzzing, and bruises caused by failed attempts at destroying the pests proved to be demoralising. The mozzies seemed to have the instinctual reaction to avoid any incoming moves which were aimed at flattening or creating sonic vibrations to render them immobile.
Waves after waves of super mozzies streamed through the only open window left for ventilation. Lumps of reddish itchy spots came over the various parts of the body. It seemed to be the mozzies version of the Normandy invasion, this time to wreak havoc on those who have caused the population of the mozzies to steadily decline. It seemed that defending the fort would be a lost cause, and so the area where Annoyednymous Post was based in, had to be abandoned.
But at 1700hrs, Standard +8 GMT time, Annoyednymous Post was taken back by the swift 101st Reactionary Force. It was possible for the super mozzies to successfully invade due to the weakened state of personnel caused by flu or cold or sleepiness due to the cunning timing of the attack. The mozzies lost 2 of their comrades and the rest buzzed away. Thanks to the great 101st Reactionary Force.
The Annoyednymous Post, free from the super mozzies which have the same lifespan as normal ones, has the flag of freedom fluttering. And so the free world will again rejoice!! Till another time when freedom is once again threatened.
Waves after waves of super mozzies streamed through the only open window left for ventilation. Lumps of reddish itchy spots came over the various parts of the body. It seemed to be the mozzies version of the Normandy invasion, this time to wreak havoc on those who have caused the population of the mozzies to steadily decline. It seemed that defending the fort would be a lost cause, and so the area where Annoyednymous Post was based in, had to be abandoned.
But at 1700hrs, Standard +8 GMT time, Annoyednymous Post was taken back by the swift 101st Reactionary Force. It was possible for the super mozzies to successfully invade due to the weakened state of personnel caused by flu or cold or sleepiness due to the cunning timing of the attack. The mozzies lost 2 of their comrades and the rest buzzed away. Thanks to the great 101st Reactionary Force.
The Annoyednymous Post, free from the super mozzies which have the same lifespan as normal ones, has the flag of freedom fluttering. And so the free world will again rejoice!! Till another time when freedom is once again threatened.
Thursday, June 10, 2004
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
Op-Ed Piece 20040609
After waking up to the melodious sound of coughing and a raw throat, I knew there was something wrong. With me. Yes, seems that infectious illnesses ARE indeed what they are. Foolish of me to think otherwise. And now I suppose some rest would be great, food would be likewise. Atrophying, now i look like a combination of sticks, joined together with globs of glue, on a skinny frame.
Muscles. What are muscles? How does fat become muscle? If being fat makes one heavy, why do having muscles make you heavier? Some of us say that we have lean muscles, if so, are there fat muscles? If muscle are converted fat, does it still have the essence of fat in it? When a muscular person does not exercise, he loses his muscles that turn into a greater mass of fat. The word fat has a vowel that is rounded, and the method of pronouncing it makes your mouth move around a larger area, as opposed to thin, with a tall vowel and a smaller area used in pronounciation. Curious.
Why is the word fat so feared across the world? I suppose it has to do with looks. Not merely the external physiological human looks, but the make up of the fat/muscle itself. When one eats chicken, ( assuming a non vegetarian ) one would prefer tender pieces, fresh and fat removed. Think about it, if they are able to exercise the chickens, instead of cooping them in little cages and letting their feet be deformed, injection of strange hormones that result in strange bruises and extra lumpy stuff that resembles fat but is not, we would be eating pure muscular chicken.
Exercising soon.
Muscles. What are muscles? How does fat become muscle? If being fat makes one heavy, why do having muscles make you heavier? Some of us say that we have lean muscles, if so, are there fat muscles? If muscle are converted fat, does it still have the essence of fat in it? When a muscular person does not exercise, he loses his muscles that turn into a greater mass of fat. The word fat has a vowel that is rounded, and the method of pronouncing it makes your mouth move around a larger area, as opposed to thin, with a tall vowel and a smaller area used in pronounciation. Curious.
Why is the word fat so feared across the world? I suppose it has to do with looks. Not merely the external physiological human looks, but the make up of the fat/muscle itself. When one eats chicken, ( assuming a non vegetarian ) one would prefer tender pieces, fresh and fat removed. Think about it, if they are able to exercise the chickens, instead of cooping them in little cages and letting their feet be deformed, injection of strange hormones that result in strange bruises and extra lumpy stuff that resembles fat but is not, we would be eating pure muscular chicken.
Exercising soon.
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
Man found guilty of harrasing girl
In a bizarre update to the old stalker routine, a man was found by the court today, guilty of charges of harassment and being a public nuisance. Neighbours of the affected girl, described the man as being highly irritating. They revealed that the man was threatening to knock on the door, ring on the bell, and tap on the window too, if she doesn't come out last night.
Further investigation revealed that the man, also warned that he would wake up the town, hoot and and howl like a love sick owl, and it was then that the immediate neighbours decided to call the police. Rumours have also spread that the man said,
quote:
"Hey little girl, this ain't no time to sleep
Let's count kisses 'stead of countin' sheep
How, how can I hold you near
With you up there and me down here"
:unquote
Investigators are currently unearthing the man's history in case they need to charge him for having paedophilic tendencies, if he should should attempt to appeal the sentence. However the public can be assured that the man will be closely watched and more, by his fellow inmates, during his stay in prison.
The girl is said to be in shock.
Further investigation revealed that the man, also warned that he would wake up the town, hoot and and howl like a love sick owl, and it was then that the immediate neighbours decided to call the police. Rumours have also spread that the man said,
quote:
"Hey little girl, this ain't no time to sleep
Let's count kisses 'stead of countin' sheep
How, how can I hold you near
With you up there and me down here"
:unquote
Investigators are currently unearthing the man's history in case they need to charge him for having paedophilic tendencies, if he should should attempt to appeal the sentence. However the public can be assured that the man will be closely watched and more, by his fellow inmates, during his stay in prison.
The girl is said to be in shock.
Monday, June 07, 2004
Op-Ed Piece 20040607
Flying Friends and Babysitting..
Yes, one of my friends, Ichaya has flown away, and boy her arms would be oh so tired when she reaches her destination. To India, where there is a new Prime Minister who is a Sikh or Singh. Yes and here's a warning to all of you who likes to tell Singh/Sikh jokes, DON'T. One does not poke fun when the retaliation is swift and precise, especially when a Singh/Sikh leader is in charge of a Nuclear Weapon laden country. Look at how fast the matter of Kashmir was solved, is going to be solved, sometime, i think. Anyway, DON'T.
Babysitting. One might think that babysitting is an easy task. Hey, what's so hard about sitting on babies, kinda cushy right? Corny you say? Maybe, but FOUR nieces and nephews are quite a handful or more, aged 2 1/2, 2, 1 1/2 and 1 thereabouts.. First time having them here without their respective parents. I can't even carry two without difficulty. Swarming and they have this ripple effect in motion; one cries, another looks on, another ignores and one more cries in response. Repeat. One must also take into account however, that the workload was divided among the household.
Respect for kindergarten and nursery caretakers should be shown as they are taking care of a great number of potential explosive material, without Hazmat suits. Oh, the possible chemical attacks from diapers and extremely loud aural attacks.. And one cannot help but miss their friends who goes away even for a short while and much more when the duration's longer. Be Safe you!
Yes, one of my friends, Ichaya has flown away, and boy her arms would be oh so tired when she reaches her destination. To India, where there is a new Prime Minister who is a Sikh or Singh. Yes and here's a warning to all of you who likes to tell Singh/Sikh jokes, DON'T. One does not poke fun when the retaliation is swift and precise, especially when a Singh/Sikh leader is in charge of a Nuclear Weapon laden country. Look at how fast the matter of Kashmir was solved, is going to be solved, sometime, i think. Anyway, DON'T.
Babysitting. One might think that babysitting is an easy task. Hey, what's so hard about sitting on babies, kinda cushy right? Corny you say? Maybe, but FOUR nieces and nephews are quite a handful or more, aged 2 1/2, 2, 1 1/2 and 1 thereabouts.. First time having them here without their respective parents. I can't even carry two without difficulty. Swarming and they have this ripple effect in motion; one cries, another looks on, another ignores and one more cries in response. Repeat. One must also take into account however, that the workload was divided among the household.
Respect for kindergarten and nursery caretakers should be shown as they are taking care of a great number of potential explosive material, without Hazmat suits. Oh, the possible chemical attacks from diapers and extremely loud aural attacks.. And one cannot help but miss their friends who goes away even for a short while and much more when the duration's longer. Be Safe you!
Remembered Dreams 20040607
Dreams...
My, what a long piece this is going to be. What are dreams? Well, some say they are the workings of the devil, highly complex messages or prophetic visions. Many then believe that they are supposedly subconscious workings of your mind putting into creation your last thoughts for the day.
Whatever they are, mine seemed to be a cross between my current and former schools and then some. In a nutshell, I was wearing this nyjc black and grey mlcs shirt, quite rare indeed, and sitting in a classroom watching pple review their exam papers, such curious setting. Saw Curry leaf dude pondering over his. Then it went to a setting where I prayed with others, hummm..
More curiously, I had daydreams in my dream. I walked to a bench like those you see in a park and relaxed in the cross setting of venues. Was suffering from flu. In one daydream i can recall, one caucasian or was it a chinese guy was singing Begawan Solo. Perfectly, i guess in tone and stuff. I can even hear the whole song, but upon waking up, ( as usual ) I can only remember parts of the song.
Then came students walking in pairs apparently going around doing survey research. One said she was from ny mlcs on top of the hill, the are where the real room was. and she was wearing a full nanyang uniform. And then i was awoken by my brother. BEFORE finding out what the survey was about. sheesh...
Dreams to me are similar to everyday memories but they are much more ridiculous, or spooky or whatever you want it to be... Would be Freudians are not welcome in analysing the dreams, it is just for me to remember and take some ideas off it, like making a movie!
XP
To record your own dream, write it down as soon as you wake up, or it'll disappear from your mind, fast!
My, what a long piece this is going to be. What are dreams? Well, some say they are the workings of the devil, highly complex messages or prophetic visions. Many then believe that they are supposedly subconscious workings of your mind putting into creation your last thoughts for the day.
Whatever they are, mine seemed to be a cross between my current and former schools and then some. In a nutshell, I was wearing this nyjc black and grey mlcs shirt, quite rare indeed, and sitting in a classroom watching pple review their exam papers, such curious setting. Saw Curry leaf dude pondering over his. Then it went to a setting where I prayed with others, hummm..
More curiously, I had daydreams in my dream. I walked to a bench like those you see in a park and relaxed in the cross setting of venues. Was suffering from flu. In one daydream i can recall, one caucasian or was it a chinese guy was singing Begawan Solo. Perfectly, i guess in tone and stuff. I can even hear the whole song, but upon waking up, ( as usual ) I can only remember parts of the song.
Then came students walking in pairs apparently going around doing survey research. One said she was from ny mlcs on top of the hill, the are where the real room was. and she was wearing a full nanyang uniform. And then i was awoken by my brother. BEFORE finding out what the survey was about. sheesh...
Dreams to me are similar to everyday memories but they are much more ridiculous, or spooky or whatever you want it to be... Would be Freudians are not welcome in analysing the dreams, it is just for me to remember and take some ideas off it, like making a movie!
XP
To record your own dream, write it down as soon as you wake up, or it'll disappear from your mind, fast!
Sunday, June 06, 2004
Mass Influencing Advertisements
The ubiquity of advertisements selling products which promises the expansion of your horizons and more, is thought to be warping the mindsets of those who view them. One disatisfied customer lamented that the breast enhancing treatment that-supposedly-will-do-what-it's-described-to-do, failed to work. The process which took several weeks left the customer with a very sore chest. He says that he will sue the company for false advertising.
The company countered that eventhough it did not specify or narrow down the advertisement as being projected solely to the female population, it was a given that sane people would understand it was for females only. We can only hope that the customer would not view this as a possible defamation case, whereby the company falsely accuse him of being crazy, mad, lunatic, crackpot and such.
Speaking of expanding horizons, it is an amazing find, that people are still going for talks or seminars that will tell them how to get wealthier by expanding their horizons. One can only imagine how much wealthier the speaker would get after each expanding horizon seminar. But what is a couple of hundred or thousand for a most beneficial lesson. Think of all the wealth you'll reap after attending one.
Sleep tight, and don't let the bedbugs bite. What? you're afraid? Not to worry, with ten easy payments of 9.90. Most people believe my brand of pesticide is the best in killing bedbugs! And its works! XP
The company countered that eventhough it did not specify or narrow down the advertisement as being projected solely to the female population, it was a given that sane people would understand it was for females only. We can only hope that the customer would not view this as a possible defamation case, whereby the company falsely accuse him of being crazy, mad, lunatic, crackpot and such.
Speaking of expanding horizons, it is an amazing find, that people are still going for talks or seminars that will tell them how to get wealthier by expanding their horizons. One can only imagine how much wealthier the speaker would get after each expanding horizon seminar. But what is a couple of hundred or thousand for a most beneficial lesson. Think of all the wealth you'll reap after attending one.
Sleep tight, and don't let the bedbugs bite. What? you're afraid? Not to worry, with ten easy payments of 9.90. Most people believe my brand of pesticide is the best in killing bedbugs! And its works! XP
Op-Ed Piece 20040606
A million of these! Okay, not quite, the glasses were white and taller. The amount of rinsing I had to do. OMG.
Anyway, helping out for a wedding in the kitchen area is not one for the faint hearted. You could be staring at embers and bubbling oil, cooking the meat slowly. Or you could be tasked with cleaning the dishes and leftovers, now that's tough. Or you could be like me, in charge of drinks and rinsing.
One can learn much through this, as evident by tales by aunties and grammas. They will ask for hot drinks, while relating to you how their bones ache if they drink too cold a drink, or how Nasi Briyani goes well with Limey Drinks. They said it works like soap, countering the oil from the dishes. Strange.
Another skill which you can pick up is the picking-up-girls skill. The serving of dishes are usually done by girls, or ladies, or aunties and sometimes if you're lucky/unlucky, grammas. Thus the kitchen staff, usually helpers will try to pick up the girls, asking for their numbers and stuff. It can blow in your face, or not. Depends, as evident by my colleague's attempts. haha. Impressive.
It seems that Hindustani or Bollywood songs are SUPER popular, a must at non-Chinese weddings, something akin to Yam Seng or how many course dinner at Chinese weddings.. I have yet to encounter one that does not play the mentioned songs..
And remember to smile! Do not help or work looking like you have no emotions, even if you're kitchen staff. Even if it might be misconstrued by others just smile! Words of wisdom by the kitchen people. Huummm..
Saturday, June 05, 2004
Idol Judge was rushed to ICU
Today, a casualty came not in the form of a dejected pop idol wannabe, whose dreams and hopes were crushed by caustic judges, but in the form of a judge. We have captured, albeit in a very primitive manner, the events that lead to temporary loss of a Judge.
The unfortunate Judge was none other than Douglas who was sitting nearest to the last performing contestant of the day. It seems that the first song by the contestant, 'the Fast Food Song' did not capture the hearts of the Judges. The contestant then asked for a second chance which lead to the unfortunate event.
Douglas was seen vomitting blood and choking on his vital organs after hearing the rendition of Barney's Happy Family. It seems that the contestant however, did NOT break any rules as it was an English language song, with a catchy tune to boot.
The unfortunate Judge was none other than Douglas who was sitting nearest to the last performing contestant of the day. It seems that the first song by the contestant, 'the Fast Food Song' did not capture the hearts of the Judges. The contestant then asked for a second chance which lead to the unfortunate event.
Douglas was seen vomitting blood and choking on his vital organs after hearing the rendition of Barney's Happy Family. It seems that the contestant however, did NOT break any rules as it was an English language song, with a catchy tune to boot.
Op-Ed Piece 20040604
Poor guy. No clothes on, he has a long sword of all things, to hide his insecurity and of course people keep touching and grabbing him, all on one night, like some orgy fest. Anyway, I would like to take this opportunity to thank my brother, I think for giving me this cold. I guess a cold is better than having an infection after a flu, which my brother is currently suffering from.. humm.
Bird Flu, Sars, A bad case of Common Flu, all having the same symptoms. I mean, it is SO generic. One would have to look out for Shortness of breath, Fever, Cough, Running Nose ( oh look how fast it goes ), Aches and Pain. Until the doctor asks you to go for Extra Tests in the form of an X-ray. Even then, you have to worry about extra doses of radiation, but hey, look on the bright side, Bruce Banner beefed up after having large doses of them.
What did I do today... Ate, exercised, and napped i think. All part of my all round physical development. Yes, following in the footsteps of the show; oh-you-viewers-have-to-make-yourselves-turn-out-like-us-the-body-beautiful. Crap, now I have to submit myself to the society's perception of a healthy person.
I'm a SLUG! I must EXERCISE! Tomorrow...
Friday, June 04, 2004
Caught on video: Failed samurai 'Helicopter Sword Move'
Caught on video.
Samurai man was today embarassed by failing to properly execute his famed 'Helicopter Sword Move.' He attributed it to fatigue and the weather. He also added that it wasn't as painful as it looked.
Samurai man was today embarassed by failing to properly execute his famed 'Helicopter Sword Move.' He attributed it to fatigue and the weather. He also added that it wasn't as painful as it looked.
Auntie guilty of transporting dangerous materials onboard bus
An auntie was found guilty by the court today, of transporting dangerous materials onboard a bus yesterday. She was said to be in possession of bomb making components which include fertilizer and wires. The auntie was seen screaming her innocence, saying that it was for her plants as they needed the fertilizer to grow and the wires to strengthen the stem.
The judge did not believe her statement and admonished her, saying that it was all crap and full of bull****(manure). He said that he will have to detain her due to national security. He also praised the vigilance of the plainclothed officer on duty and the way the officer sniffed out the would be threat.
The bus company reassured passengers that they are in no danger and that detaining people and searching their bags would be kept to a minimum. They warned however, that a drop in passenger rides would then cause a hike in pricing.
Buyers of fertilizer and wires are advised to bring along their ic and register at the respective shops to avoid unwanted attention and detention.
The judge did not believe her statement and admonished her, saying that it was all crap and full of bull****(manure). He said that he will have to detain her due to national security. He also praised the vigilance of the plainclothed officer on duty and the way the officer sniffed out the would be threat.
The bus company reassured passengers that they are in no danger and that detaining people and searching their bags would be kept to a minimum. They warned however, that a drop in passenger rides would then cause a hike in pricing.
Buyers of fertilizer and wires are advised to bring along their ic and register at the respective shops to avoid unwanted attention and detention.
Thursday, June 03, 2004
Op-Ed Piece 20040603
The clouds are here, the sun is not that bright... Perfect day to go out.. crap. But oh well, taking care and resting your body is a good reason to stay indoors anyway.. Starting to look and act like a slug.. At least i'm not alone.
I think the world is in serious trouble. Stupid wars, stupid climate change brought on by reckless use of natural resources. My ex-lecturer will be oh so proud, but then again I always did prefer nature. Where's the love for the environment!! or better yet.. Where Is The Love? What are all the beauty pageants up to? Don't they wish for world peace? Why not act on them. Where's the world peace... WHERE!!! AUUGGHH!! And why can't I use icons?! ...
Haiti ( violence / disaster ) is in big trouble.
Iraq ( codenamed quagmire ) is in big trouble.
Afghanistan ( remember this country? ) is in big trouble.
Saudi Arabia ( security lapses ) is in big trouble.
The Day After Tomorrow must really be getting to me.. Heal the world, make it a better place.. Huumm.. hope Michael is free soon, need all his love to save this planet, for the children.. and the children's children.
XP
Tired...
I think the world is in serious trouble. Stupid wars, stupid climate change brought on by reckless use of natural resources. My ex-lecturer will be oh so proud, but then again I always did prefer nature. Where's the love for the environment!! or better yet.. Where Is The Love? What are all the beauty pageants up to? Don't they wish for world peace? Why not act on them. Where's the world peace... WHERE!!! AUUGGHH!! And why can't I use icons?! ...
Haiti ( violence / disaster ) is in big trouble.
Iraq ( codenamed quagmire ) is in big trouble.
Afghanistan ( remember this country? ) is in big trouble.
Saudi Arabia ( security lapses ) is in big trouble.
The Day After Tomorrow must really be getting to me.. Heal the world, make it a better place.. Huumm.. hope Michael is free soon, need all his love to save this planet, for the children.. and the children's children.
XP
Tired...
Western Wizard enlists help of eastern Magiks
We have word that a western wizard is here in the East, trying out a new way of getting rid of the person-who-never-gives-up. This information was passed on to us yesterday by our contact in the Singapore Paranormal Agency (SPA). They apparently used the famed heat and water treatment on the unknown-at-that-time person to garner the information. A stick that the person was waving around and his apparent mode of transport was also confiscated.
Throngs of curious folk gathered two days ago, outside the Rasa Sentosa Hotel, when they heard over the radio that an unidentified flying object was seen following a path of trajectory towards the location. An Air Force spokesman when contacted yesterday, had reassured the public that they were tailing the object and that national security was never in any danger during that time.
Disappointed faces were obvious when they learnt that their hours of vigilance did not reward them with the first contact with life from another planet. Some stamped their feet and others clapped their hands when it was known it was none other than the famous 'i'm not a boy, not yet a man' wizard. One despondent interviewee described it as 'a total letdown, that's no alien'. Another reported that 'the object was turning round round up and down, as if it was playing a game with the Air Force jets'.
The wizard has since been released and currently on tour in Singapore, while trying to seek help from master mages whose reputation has travelled far and wide, even to the magical school. Hopefully someone with the knowledge of wizardry would stand up to the challenge.
Throngs of curious folk gathered two days ago, outside the Rasa Sentosa Hotel, when they heard over the radio that an unidentified flying object was seen following a path of trajectory towards the location. An Air Force spokesman when contacted yesterday, had reassured the public that they were tailing the object and that national security was never in any danger during that time.
Disappointed faces were obvious when they learnt that their hours of vigilance did not reward them with the first contact with life from another planet. Some stamped their feet and others clapped their hands when it was known it was none other than the famous 'i'm not a boy, not yet a man' wizard. One despondent interviewee described it as 'a total letdown, that's no alien'. Another reported that 'the object was turning round round up and down, as if it was playing a game with the Air Force jets'.
The wizard has since been released and currently on tour in Singapore, while trying to seek help from master mages whose reputation has travelled far and wide, even to the magical school. Hopefully someone with the knowledge of wizardry would stand up to the challenge.
Ninja spotted at a reservoir
Breaking News...
We have credible sources telling us that a 'ninja' has been spotted roaming around Bedok Reservoir. Witnesses say that it was a man dressed in a strange garb, similar to that of an army personnel, but in black and grey. He was also seen weilding a giant sword. We can confirm that the man was a ninja as he had on a forehead protector, carried kunais, shurikens and witnesses who he conversed with, said he introduced himself as Itachi Zabuza, a ninja from the village of the Hidden Water.
Exclusive: A witness tells us his experience.
"I was jogging round the reservoir and all of a sudden this man dressed funnily appeared by my side. He looked like he was partly covered with masking tape. I wanted to tell him that he looked weird, but he was holding this very big sword and he had strange red eyes. I stopped and he stopped. He said, I am Itachi Zabuza, a ninja from the village of the Hidden Water. He asked if I had seen a kid named Naruto who is a ninja as well."
"I freaked out and started to sms my fren who was jogging in front of me rapidly. I knew that he would not see what I was smsing cos I was a champion smser who can sms 'The razor-toothed piranhas of the genera Serasalmus and Pygocentrus are the most ferocious freshwater fish in the world. In reality they seldom attack a human' in less than 2 minutes."
"However, he started laughing, whipped out a handphone and began to text. His keystrokes were mimicking mine! I could see as he was holding his handphone beside mine. I screamed and ran away to the nearest police post while hearing him say something about sharigan?. It took me quite a while as I just moved here and was not sure where the police post was."
Well those who live around the area of the reservoir would have to be careful while the police ponders whether to investigate this matter. The public is advised to be on the lookout for suspicious people and bags, and for parents to have a constant watch on their children as this 'Ninja' might be a terrorist, trying to recruit adolescents for stealth activities.
We have credible sources telling us that a 'ninja' has been spotted roaming around Bedok Reservoir. Witnesses say that it was a man dressed in a strange garb, similar to that of an army personnel, but in black and grey. He was also seen weilding a giant sword. We can confirm that the man was a ninja as he had on a forehead protector, carried kunais, shurikens and witnesses who he conversed with, said he introduced himself as Itachi Zabuza, a ninja from the village of the Hidden Water.
Exclusive: A witness tells us his experience.
"I was jogging round the reservoir and all of a sudden this man dressed funnily appeared by my side. He looked like he was partly covered with masking tape. I wanted to tell him that he looked weird, but he was holding this very big sword and he had strange red eyes. I stopped and he stopped. He said, I am Itachi Zabuza, a ninja from the village of the Hidden Water. He asked if I had seen a kid named Naruto who is a ninja as well."
"I freaked out and started to sms my fren who was jogging in front of me rapidly. I knew that he would not see what I was smsing cos I was a champion smser who can sms 'The razor-toothed piranhas of the genera Serasalmus and Pygocentrus are the most ferocious freshwater fish in the world. In reality they seldom attack a human' in less than 2 minutes."
"However, he started laughing, whipped out a handphone and began to text. His keystrokes were mimicking mine! I could see as he was holding his handphone beside mine. I screamed and ran away to the nearest police post while hearing him say something about sharigan?. It took me quite a while as I just moved here and was not sure where the police post was."
Well those who live around the area of the reservoir would have to be careful while the police ponders whether to investigate this matter. The public is advised to be on the lookout for suspicious people and bags, and for parents to have a constant watch on their children as this 'Ninja' might be a terrorist, trying to recruit adolescents for stealth activities.
Bollywood's Ringu?
There have been reports of several people crying out of the theatres, which are showing Bollywood movies. This spate of events is currently investigated by paranormal experts, who said that these happenings have spiked since the recent IFAA awards. They believe that certain Bollywood movies are in fact vessels for the spread of the unknown. Research have shown that these viewers who ran out of the theatres have had little or NO prior experience in watching Bollywood movies, and what the interviews reveal, are nothing but revealing.
One of the viewers, while lying on the ground, curled up in a ball, said that she had seen something that appeared during the movie that didn't seem to add up to the storyline. She had heard, all of a sudden and without prior warning, the beginning of a song followed by a strange vision. The actor and actress were suddenly singing and dancing with numerous back-up dancers at unknown locations, while seeming to be looking directly at the viewer. This phenomena she said happened several times during the movie. She explained that the reason she cried out of the theatre was due to the ending and the whole storyline, and that eventhough it's unexplainable and worrisome to her that she should be affected that way, she must view a Bollywood movie again.
It seems that she has been spellbound, similar to a Ringu spell, but differs in that now, viewers who watches a Bollywood movie would have to watch another soon. The viewers are of the belief that should they see a Bollywood movie which is without the strange phenomena, they would be cured of the addiction.
More on this as it unfolds, I have to go back to my Bollywood VCD...
One of the viewers, while lying on the ground, curled up in a ball, said that she had seen something that appeared during the movie that didn't seem to add up to the storyline. She had heard, all of a sudden and without prior warning, the beginning of a song followed by a strange vision. The actor and actress were suddenly singing and dancing with numerous back-up dancers at unknown locations, while seeming to be looking directly at the viewer. This phenomena she said happened several times during the movie. She explained that the reason she cried out of the theatre was due to the ending and the whole storyline, and that eventhough it's unexplainable and worrisome to her that she should be affected that way, she must view a Bollywood movie again.
It seems that she has been spellbound, similar to a Ringu spell, but differs in that now, viewers who watches a Bollywood movie would have to watch another soon. The viewers are of the belief that should they see a Bollywood movie which is without the strange phenomena, they would be cured of the addiction.
More on this as it unfolds, I have to go back to my Bollywood VCD...
Wednesday, June 02, 2004
A Fake Pig seen running around Far East
Earlier in the day, a pig was seen running around Far East crying for its owner. People were shocked to see a pig, described as small, pink and fast, zooming around crying 'owner, owner.' This description would explain the header of 'Fake Pig', as none of the witnesses interviewed believed that it was a real pig. Intensive research also failed to prove the existence of a 'small, pink and fast' pig that is able to cry 'owner, owner'.
However, a spook clarified that there are indeed pigs that roam the planet which are able to cry out words. The spook showed us a pic of this anomaly which could be found at Saizou chan?'s. It is said that this pig, named 'Saizou' cries 'Buhi, Buhi..' a word which is currently unexplainable.
Thus, we, the populace have to believe that small, pink and fast pigs that cries out intelligible words DO exist. There is a need to educate the public on NOT to lose their pets when taking them out for a walk even if on Orchard Road. REMEMBER, losing your pets would be unfortunate, BUT losing talking pets which disturb the eternal sunshine of the public's spotless minds, would be highly horrible!.
*shudder
However, a spook clarified that there are indeed pigs that roam the planet which are able to cry out words. The spook showed us a pic of this anomaly which could be found at Saizou chan?'s. It is said that this pig, named 'Saizou' cries 'Buhi, Buhi..' a word which is currently unexplainable.
Thus, we, the populace have to believe that small, pink and fast pigs that cries out intelligible words DO exist. There is a need to educate the public on NOT to lose their pets when taking them out for a walk even if on Orchard Road. REMEMBER, losing your pets would be unfortunate, BUT losing talking pets which disturb the eternal sunshine of the public's spotless minds, would be highly horrible!.
*shudder
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